I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
