They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
