woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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