I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
