I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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