So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
