VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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