I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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