Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
