Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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