paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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