You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
