I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
