Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
