My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
