I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
