I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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