i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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