Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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