Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
