Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The ass gains better be worth it
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