tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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