So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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