this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
