from now on my penis is your penis
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
