How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.