I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?