I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after