Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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