So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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