I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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