I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just google imaged poop.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
