I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
