he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
