how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can you bring me the toilet please
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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