Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
