Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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