yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
