Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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