If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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