well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
