Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
