Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
