i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
