She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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