The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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