I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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