Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
