i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
