He had one of those small greek statue penises
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
