I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
