i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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