Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
