Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
