Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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