I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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