her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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