Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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