Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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