The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
