Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
