On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
