Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
