weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
