you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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