your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
