Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
