I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize