I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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