Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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