She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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