dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
