My room smells like vodka and shame
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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