five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
