from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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