chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
