i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
