I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
