Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
