if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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