you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
